Thank you for the replay. I've messaged some other people as well but its always nice to have somebody new to talk with.

I'll start with saying that I have nobody who I feel like I can really talk to about things. That I feel alone. I mean I could talk with my parents and sisters and they would listen but they don't really know who I am. I'm not one to usually share how I feel with others. If you looked at me and talked to me you would probably think I'm fine but deep down I hurt. I've felt this way for awhile.

Its started when I went to college and couldnt find anything that I wanted to do. Never picked a major and one day decided it wasn't for me after four years of just drinking and doing drugs. Didn't feel like I had much to live for. Never had a girlfriend. I mean I've had things with girls but nothing more than 3 or 4 months. I didn't consider them a girlfriend and if you ask them they would say I wasn't there boyfriend. Things just always fizzle out and they are the ones that stop talking to me. This is probably the hardest thing for me. I think I mentioned in my post that the last girl told me she thought I was a bad example. I think thats probably what they all think. That I'm not going anywhere. I think they might all be right but I'm just too unmotivated to do anything.

Also, I drink alot. I think this is the root of the problems. No girl likes me when I'm drunk. They all say they don't like the way I act when I'm drinking. Drinking is the only thing that can comfort me though. I drink alone most nights. Sometimes I'll go out with a buddy of mine who is in town or with co-workers from this shit job I have. But when I'm alone I'll usually cry and pass out. Or get angry at myself and try to hurt myself. Nothing serious like trying to kill myself but Ill punch myself in the head. Anyway, sorry for the long post.

Anyway, sorry for the long post.