ok but it looks like you're just looking for another master.

You've rebelled against Christianity and its god - OK. But now you feel empty. What are you missing that you seem to need to find again, and right away? The sense of someone in control in the universe? Someone you can hand your problems to? Some way to handle the day-to-day challenges of reality?

You're like a guy who was married to someone who really wasn't right for him, who finally gets a divorce -- and two days later is out looking for another woman. And you know he's about to hitch up with yet another one who's wrong for him because he's got to fill this empty space right this minute.

I want to challenge you to live with the emptiness for a while. Get to know it well. When you're alone and there's no deity to shape your feelings or attitudes or with whom to commune in prayer, you're really, really alone -- get to know that feeling.

Get to know it very, very well.

When you've made friends with that emptiness you'll be in a place where you can intelligently begin to survey your personal needs and your options.

It may turn out you don't need Buddhism at all. Or it may be that truly understanding that emptiness inside through the personal, unflinching experience of it will guide you to something much larger.

And then when you begin to study Buddhism, you'll find aspects that will be very familiar to you. You'll then see that Buddhism arises from human experience of human existence -- not from scriptures, not from commandments, not from a tradition.

You need to find this for yourself. No one can tell it to you or teach it to you.

I would exhort you to be patient, to give yourself months - maybe a year, maybe more - to understand your own emptiness, to accept it, embrace it, be at peace with it.

And then decide if you need Buddhism.

Best of luck to you.