3. Occam's Razor would suggest suicide is the right answer to life.

Occam's Razor would suggest suicide is the right answer to life.

Man, I've gotten nowhere talking it out. I'm so through with anti-depressants that make suicide a compulsion instead of a good idea. I'm tired, yo, and even though I'm stone cold sober, have been for a few months now, after years of hard addiction trickling down into a more benign marijuana habit, things felt better for like a week, then my mind cleared up quite alot, and lo and behold, the thoughts are still all there, the conclusions seemingly just as valid as ever, only more lucid.

I just want out. I've sought redemption, or help, for years, man. I've got into the best shape of my life recently; I've paid old debts, both monetary and emotional; I've seen probably 20 doctors and psych grad students (poor and all; beggars can't be choosers); I legit found my center with mindfulness and just a smattering of self help books read over the last 5 years, which largely removes the suffering from my life, but the conclusions I have about life in general, no, humanity in general, are still all there, only they don't tear me apart so much; and for it all, it seems like the only thing that motivated me was the prospect of getting to be a regular human again, of feeling like something, anything but drugs and dying, was a good idea, but that never came. I've been off heroin for a number of years now, I'm not sure how many because looking back at that time is like trying to see yourself in a mirror after a hot shower, and I keep thinking that I'll return to some semblance of real life, but I just keep staying the same (not the same as withdrawal me, oh no. Just the same Eeyore mentality that it left me with).

Maybe some people are just too broken to love life anymore. Not even "in pain" kind of broken, so much, as just so weary, so empty, so bored, that nothing at all seems worth it.

I dunno. I'm really not looking for pity, I'm trying to make my thoughts on this whole thing cogent before I do anything, so maybe the decision won't hurt the ones I love; maybe they can understand why. And Reddit is discerning if it is anything.

Does this make sense?

/r/Showerthoughts Thread Parent
Previous
Next

Recently removed from /r/Showerthoughts

Mathematics are confusing because of the language, not the concepts Lesbian porn in gay porn too but somehow everyone forgets it and just instantly thinks of men. We'll have true gender equality when a woman, who works in a traditionally male job, will be able to be utterly useless at her job without getting fired. It's a weird part of human evolution that eating healthy vegetables is seen as a punishment and a sugary dessert is a reward The real gauge of friendship is how clean your house needs to be before they can come over. The truth is that money does solve almost all of our problems Parenting is a toxic relationship where you try to be loving to a tiny human that screams/bites/hits you. You never see old people laying/sleeping on their stomach We used to get big yellow books delivered to our houses that doxed everyone in town. The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf possible 1000 Terabyte hard drives full of data, weigh the same as 1000 Terabyte hard drives with no data. The fact that Google auto completes all of our sentences is a reminder of how unoriginal our problems are. Dementia is going to wreak havoc on generations that rely on technology that is heavily password protected (bank accounts, social media, email, etc). Two factor authentication and password recovery questions will make it all the more difficult Mermaids can definitely be black. Africa is surrounded by water too. Considering how short our ancestors' lives were, most of humanity's greatest inventions must be been made by young people

More Random Comments

Clumsy Husky puppy Neighbour is torturing me with sound What common item in life would you love to hear the sales story behind? Why are people staying with cheaters? Alum visited IV over the weekend. So is nobody in IV wearing masks? Ok I’m a huge fan but I loathed the WS video...I’m sorry Are there any cults in San Diego? What is the deal with all the drama between Anderson and pastors he has trained? Child terrorist is out of control and our efforts have failed. Apple reopens more than two dozen stores in 6 states Outsourcing of personal evolution Why the top mods are censoring you, promoting China, and getting rich doing so. Gaijin Please, Saab B17B with floats With a piece of cardboard on your head Weekly TFR Express Lane Checkout - Post your stories and experiences with the Coronavirus here - stay safe everyone!