It's hard. I have lost two animals who were killed unexpectedly, at the same time.

It was very upsetting. Even more so than losing some family members. Because at least with family members you don't feel as responsible for their death as with pets. Even if you were the most caring and careful person. Accidents happen.

In my case, some contractors hired by the landlord came to my house while I was at work to do some renovation on the apartment. They forgot to close the balcony. I came back home finding one of my cats on the sidewalk bleeding to death and the other one shaking with a heavy raspy slow breath and their leg dislocated. The vet was already closed and I didn't know what to do. I froze. I just sat there on the sidewalk petting my cat and crying.

I didn't even cry like that in my father's funeral.

It's hard. Like any wound. It takes time to heal. But the scar is still there.

I don't know if this is helpful, but it will take some time to move forward.