My faith seems pretty much gone now. I still cantor at Mass, sing for funerals, am on the Liturgy committee, spend lots of time doing misc work for the parish (technology, etc.)... it's to the point where whenever I interact with anyone there I feel like they're just seeing a shell, and I've turned into something different on the inside. Me, at Adoration or chapel every day, there many days a week, always active... so that's what they see, but what I see out my eyes is now foreign.

Anyway, I've been told that God is so eager to reveal himself to us, but apparently my bipolar and meds and trauma and all this stuff in my life is getting in the way. I'm going to keep going to church, hoping that this is a passing thing, but I just can't seem to believe anymore. I'm just sick and tired of it. I fell away as a late-teen/young-adult like I suppose a lot of young people do, but this is completely different.

Anyway, in case I am wrong or this is some weird result of my medications, or a phase in my recovery... I'm willing to entertain that. I've been making God and my faith my #1 focus for a long time now, and I'm just sick and tired of it all. What people call Catholic guilt should actually be called shame and it's destroyed my life.

So please pray, just in case.