Panic disorder/depression untreated which lead to other problems including hypochondriacs: 3 years 4 months ago I experienced my first panic attack that I later found out was due to the depression/anxiety medication Celexa which I was prescribed by my doctor. It was nothing like I had ever experienced before, I thought I was going to die at 18, and everyone around me did too.
At this time I didn't know what depression medication was, what it did, or what the risks were. I stopped taking the medication. A week later I was riding from Kentucky to Watertown, New-york. About half way there, it happened again in the car... I freaked out and begged my friend (The driver) to take me to the nearest hospital while burying my face into some cloths. I had passed out, and by the time I had awoken we were in New-York. Later that night, it happened again... this time I dialed 911 (First time in my life) went to the hospital for what I thought was heart problems, where the doctor laughed and told me to relax and stop drinking energy drinks... sent me back.
The attacks stopped for about a month or so, and it happened yet again. I called 911 again. Nothing showed up. I began to think it was my heart, it kept skipping and beating fast, I started checking my pulse every 30 minutes a day, and sought after a heart specialist after going to the ER at least 10-15 times. Echo cardiogram, stress test, blood work. Everything was A OK, not even a slight problem. I started to develop agoraphobia, I stopped going out in fear that I was going to have an attack in front of my friends or family.
The doctor kept telling me it was anxiety. They then started me on the anxiety medicine Xanax early 2012, biggest mistake ever... I was living with friends, and we partied every day. Xanax, teenagers, alcohol = bad. I was constantly missing pills.
Mid 2013, after trying every SSRI, I was desperate and tried Paxil again... I felt great a few hours after taking it, but noticed I kept seeing lights around me. I kept seeing bugs on the floor, and I was checking the window ever so often because I swore I kept seeing kids moving outside... It turns out I was hallucinating, I didn't find out until I was in a quite room by myself, and I was hearing music (Like if you had earphones in) I thought damn my phone must be playing music, checked the phone, nothing playing. I even turned it off in disbelief. I was literally hallucinating music that I had played on my iPhone.
I called 911 again, by this time... I had called 911/been to the ER at-least 100 times, I demanded a CT scan, because I knew %100 for sure it was a brain bleed, this whole time I thought it was my heart but it was my brain! It had to be, because I don't have a history of psych problems, neither does my family. The doctor kept telling me it was due to alcohol withdrawal... No one believed me, everyone thought I was crazy! I was going to die because no one would believe me!...
I was sent to a mental health ward, where I constantly kept getting up and begging the nurses to help me, made phone calls telling family/friends I was going to die. 3 days in there, and finally it all went away. The CT scan was normal, and only showed a sinus cyst, which they said was not serious. After leaving there, all I wanted to do was drink/party. I went to a party one night about 10 days before my birthday, drinking on the psych meds I was prescribed, ended up taking a girls phone from the party and leaving with people I didn't know. I woke up at their house to about 7 people searching me, they found this girls phone, and the people began beating me up. I suffered a broken jaw, broken nose, and a lot of blood loss, was transported to the hospital. My jaw was wired shut for almost 2 months.
I still did not feel right. Something had to be wrong... Maybe it was this sinus cyst that they kept thinking was normal? By this point I had been to a cardiologist twice, have had multiple X-rays, blood test, CT scans (Head and chest), EKG's, have seen 100 or more doctors, and have called 911/been to the ER about 150+ times.
Finally I thought an MRI would prove everything, and I could put it to rest. The MRI was clean (Besides the Sinus cyst) I thought it had to be this sinus thing! I booked an appointment with an ear nose and throat specialist, he told me that it was normal for Kentuckians to have this, and that it wasn't an issue. At this time I had also booked a THIRD cardiologist visit, still having problems with my heart skipping. They did a cardiac ablation procedure, where the pretty much stick a camera into your heart via a tube through your main artery. They found nothing…
I finally took into consideration that maybe my problem was mental health… not wanting to accept it. I told my psychiatrist that I can’t think of anything else that would help me besides a benzodiazepine type medication. My first psychiatrist was very judgmental and biased (My family has had drug addiction problems, I have had alcohol issues) and would absolutely not prescribe anything but SSRI’s. Since my psychiatrist proved of no help, I started to buy benzodiazepines off the street while looking for another psychiatrist to stop these attacks and irrational thinking. I found one (After seeing 2) that was willing to listen and help me. I told my psychiatrist I was currently buying anxiolytics off the street, she agreed that I should not be taking them illegally... the only thing I could think that help were anxiolytic medications such as benzodiazepines, the benefits of them outweighed the risks (I’ve researched them) my psychiatrist agreed as well.
I had a lot of life problems, everyone has though, so I didn’t mention them.
Here I am now… I currently see a therapist, psychiatrist, take medication, and live a lot more healthy than I had; working out, not drinking every day. I owe my life to a friend... One of the biggest problems, even towards the end, I was not properly medicated. I was given EVERY SSRI and SNRI you can possibly name, which had completely negative affects anywhere from extreme panic attacks, hallucinations, to paranoia (Celexa caused my first ever attack) and after doing research, I found that they can cause panic attacks in people who have never had one before. The doctors were very reluctant giving out narcotic class anxiety medication (Especially in Kentucky, and ESPECIALLY to 20 year olds) I had learned a lot of the time I was going through benzodiazepine withdrawal which exacerbated my psychological condition %150. I still have issues, but compared to before, a BIG improvement. The biggest problem I have... constantly having to take a pill, way better than feelin the way I did though, and I wouldn't wish panic disorder/anxiety on anyone.
TL;DR: Depresion, which lead to Panic Disorder with agoraphobia and hypochondriasis