Original:

And lo here I was, cast into the eternal darkness, burnt alive by divine fire to awaken with virgin flesh, new desires, all my life’s past adrift like a dream, like vestiges of memory fading from time like vapour in the air, like ripples in a pond, soon to be gone.

I can't write any worse than the following. If anyone would enlighten me how to make it worse, please do - I am oddly curious!

Cheap Copy:
When the darkness came knockin' I kinda was surprised but it was cool, because I was not some third-grade burn victim with bacon for skin but instead I was a virgin again! Hah take that fuckin' world!

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