Borrowed a roommate's car under the pretense that I was going to visit my dad in the hospital. (He was actually in the hospital but I didn't go visit him because it was not serious and under control. What's more, I don't speak to my mother at all.) Drove 3 hours and picked up a good bit of heroin. Stayed up all night hanging out with college buddies I hadn't seen in a while. Couldn't sleep but as the time came to drive back home so I could get her car back and make it to work in time, I started to get tired. Took a few ritalin to wake myself up, hopped in the car and started driving. Somewhere outside of the city I started getting sleepy again. Told myself I was going to pull off at the next exit and sleep. Didn't make it. Drove the car into a guardrail and totaled it.

After that, the state trooper searched my car and my bag which I consented to because I thought I'd hidden everything. I had forgotten a smaller bag, which he found. Did 2 months in county jail and ended up with a 5 year suspended sentence and 5 years probation. Stupidest, most reckless shit possible. Before everyone yells at me, I know that I should have never got behind the wheel when I was that tired and coming off of drugs. It was irresponsible, inexcusable, and I will NEVER drive when I am in any questionable mental state, ever again. I came through that very luckily that I didn't kill myself or anyone else and I figure that was basically my one freebie.

I won't lie and say that I am clean now. Most likely I'll be on opiates for the rest of my life unless there are some major advances in spinal surgery. I also won't lie and say I just use dope for the pain. That's a large part of it but of course I like getting high too. But without any sort of serious pain medication life is barely liveable for me. I have one progressive spinal disease and also nerve damage that hasn't healed in 8 years.