I suffer from both anxiety and depression. The depression makes me feel very muted, like putting something over the top of a speaker. The anxiety makes me feel everything all at once, like turning that speaker up to max and just having the constant white noise where you can't quite figure out what's going on.

I'm supposed to be one of the most intelligent people in the country percentage wise, but I spend most of my time trapped in a limbo of barely existing. I spend a lot of my time staring at the wall while refusing to let myself procrastinate, so instead do nothing but sit.

Antidepressants don't work for me as my body rejects them violently. Any attempts at therapy don't work for me as I'm somewhat of a compulsive liar and even when going passed that, it still makes no difference to the reality of the issue as soon as I leave that place/session.

I have a desperate desire for attention and an even more desperate desire not to bother people. Suicide would more than likely hurt people around me, so I won't bother them in such a way.

TL;DR there are problems I can't resolve because the resolutions also have problems. Overall mentality is predictably not great