I 100% agree with you and I'm not foolish enough to say 'that won't happen to me' I get that just the title of this post is concerning because obviously it has a power over me that I'm elevating it so highly.

I do think I'm fairly responsible, I've been taking fairly small doses, small enough that I get shit done and experience the positives and the negatives are reduced, no palpitations, no sweating etc.

I'm also taking breaks after a few days of use I'll have a few days break, those days are horrible because the depression and just feeling like everything takes a million times more effort to do and the body exhaustion and tiredness is crippling but nothing I can't deal with, I felt so depressed and suicidal that the comedowns just feel like a return to that anyway with a little amplification.

It's a shame because I can't disagree with anything you're saying but honestly, right now, it feels like this drug is saving my life, which again, is concerning to even say but it's true, I was so close to ending it all and this gave me the ability to change my life.

I do agree though, what happens if and when the time comes when I either need to take more and more to get the same effect or the comedowns become so bad....

I wish there was a way of doing this that would reduce the risk of it making things worse but it's like I said before, this has undoubtedly saved my life.

Honestly, right now it feels like a miracle drug, I can function on it, people have NO IDEA I'm taking it and only have positive things to say about me, how much more productive I am, social I am, happy I seem.

That being said, I get that, that's all artificial and it's not healthy. I wish I knew how to book my shit up without this drug but I tried everything else and was literally on the verge of suicide, like I'm not just saying it, I ordered (and still have) a full bottle of GBL which I was going to take to slip into a coma and not wake up again, I don't take it recreationally, I literally just bought it for that purpose.

It was only after researching adderall and the way it's helped me with their countless issues that I decided to give speed a try and it saved my life, I wouldn't be typing this post today without it.

All that said, I know that this can't be a long term fix and I may slip into that addiction you speak of where it's going to make everything worse. I know that's a danger and a risk, but at least right now it's saved my life, I just hope it doesn't turn out to be my biggest downfall as well.