6 years off/on, a marriage proposal, twins lost in a miscarriage, half a dozen suicide attempts, two arrests, a trashed apartment, and now she's homeless in Vienna, Austria.

You'd think I'd be relieved she's gone, some stability re-entering my life, and to some degree that's true. But she has a 14 year old son living with his grandmother, and I have a closet and 10x15ft storage unit full of her stuff. We broke up several times, then got back together, and each breakup was like a bouncing ball. The next bounce was a bit lower than the previous, each one a bit easier to take.

I'm trying to date again, for the first time since February when she ran from a misdemeanor charge to her ex in Austria, leaving a tremendous mess behind. I miss her, despite everything there was a chemistry and compatibility that is too rare in the world. I'm lying of course, it was a completely codependent relationship, I enabled her antisocial behavior and felt needed in return.

But I guess it's just hard, she was the love of my life, but the worst girlfriend I've ever had. I truly and genuinely wish her happiness, but I just can't be the one to give it to her.