It's doubtful your life has had no positive experiences, so that prayer just seems to be more denial. If you've gone years with this, then you can assuredly lose more years by doing the exact same thing. Now is the time to try something else. I highly recommend combining medication with a therapist. I'd also recommend you see a psychiatrist or psychologist when trying to get on medication, they'll have a much greater understanding of what may work for you than your stand GP/family doc.

Also, i want to caution you because the language of looking for something to just quickly come in and change your brain seems like a desire for a quick fix. You're not going to find that, and if that's the bar that you set you'll only find disappointment and a reason to discontinue treatment.

You are worth investing your time and energy into.