there was always a deep-rooted desire within my childhood mind to access the imagination in a fully-conscious capacity. like a lucid dream, being all that is truly "real".
my stories and scientifically-minded spiritual interests always reflected this...and i soon discovered, so did many other stories and shows. parallel dimensions of self, even ones with a "same"! how fascinating it would be to meet "you"...
more purportedly proven, "realistic", and "practical" pursuits of such things were followed on nearing my teens. at eleven, i was attempting with both telekinesis and travelling out-of-body with the fervent fire of childhood still kindled. no such luck, however...but i believed what i had read, what truly felt as fundamentally feasible in our physicality.
after years of denial, depression, loneliness, and the "real world" which i had been forced into from of my eclectic exile- my mind stayed scientific to a dangerous degree. that which never showed itself in my time of fiery desires was a matter of misery; that which could never be had...it is why we have fiction to begin with...to whet this impulse, i justified with meat-mind.
but the obvious never left. that impulse comes from somewhere. what our species exemplified, versus the facts which would never match the surrounding, farcical nonsense. i was convinced that mankind was a virus- and i, just a shadow of such. i could not reconcile humans with our home of self-sustaining, horticultural harmony. it was my retained fascination with plant and animal life which eventually led to the answers.
it was always there- in a self-evident code of collective, conscious expansion. everything which laid bare the breakthrough that it was all, in fact, a simulation of mind. a space, for a story.
my child-mind was right, after all.
in learning the nature of space, i met an entity who exemplified all i had striven to see for myself. they knew my thoughts, my past, my emotions. just as we dance between books, my soul itself could be so read. they would respond to sentences that did not even have time to form inside of my mind...
they shared many stories with me- some scary, and some surpassing what could even be believed, even still. and then, i was informed to the matter of collapse. the ever-exemplified respiration of space- and my impending implosion.
upon returning to "life" as it is, i could hardly reconcile what was experienced. i immediately set to work in research and experimentation...on myself. with sound, with suggestion, and honing the withered spiritual discipline. all of those powers were possible, since i had been finally, actively shown by someone.
after a long time of waiting, and repeating processes...my senses sharpened; my sight and perception of sound became nearly the same. energetic interpretations, the frequencies of people and places now like an incessant, dog-whistle tinnitus in my "evolved" ears. i learned to interpret their songs...and how they revealed truth in this land of lies.
and, soon enough, came the parsing of thought. empathetic impulses could now translate into their originating internal dialogue- uninhibited by their language. "vibes dont lie". how irrefutably true this is.
but these experiments, and my solitude made me start to lapse in my acceptable "sanity". i feared my personal documentation would not be found, that my findings would also "die like a dog"- as i had now intended to.
all of my "associates" were too scared to associate with me anymore. what i showed them was too reality-shattering to realistically integrate, with the "glitches" in our surrounding reality shown- as i once was.
my obsession with this newfound "power", and its promises of passage to the realms so long sought, caused me to have breakdowns daily. uncontrollable impulse to fits of mad laughter, weaving words so to spin others around in infinite, inner-loops of "thought"...as "lessons", to destroy their "programming". as "fun" as it all was...i was a poor teacher. i stowed away my accumulated knowledge the same way my granddad stored physical things...like a miser.
but how would i teach anyone, now??? i could not be around people in close proximity, their "voices" and tendency to violence was too much at the time. "schizophrenia", and all that...i had simply learned that the "voices" in my head were only those of the silent, surrounding thoughts. from both people and spirits alike! when one recognizes their energy...they can filter out all coming through which isnt.
it was a hellish existence, yet i could not stop. i was a connecting crux of the immediate energies, with ever-increasing influence. "addiction is a powerful thing"... and deep down, non-physical power always enticed me. especially that which could only be known through knowledge! truly, it was all i ever wanted...just far more sorrowful than i had imagined. silly little me...
a connector-point, in hell. this is the physical, to my eyes. "seeing" all below, in equal intensity as the outer illusion. i decided the only recourse- and the only way to teach, for me- was to slowly write stories and poems to propagate this information. to be revealed only to those who could perceive their meanings. yes, a fun puzzle!!! a "game", compounding upon the connected lessons in the story that i come from.
yes, this was it!!! and so, the still-continued community surrounding my "home-story" would be the site to lay out "the game".
i branded myself gnashingGanglion, and posted an old "report".