When the worst unexpectedly happens to us, we remember it all our lives. That's why when see something awful coming, we shudder until we fall apart. We see the worst of what will happen, know from experience what is bad will be unbearable, and we want to avoid that.

But sometimes circumstances are inevitable where conflict will occur. This is one of them.

Think about it. You cannot have a sexual relationship with someone whose sexual orientation isn't compatible with your own. It is literally impossible. Your wife may love you in a platonic way but she has said she is attracted to other women, exclusively. That is what being gay is. You do not come into that equation.

On moral grounds and all grounds, you are not only allowed to leave the marriage (which is now based on false pretenses, and something inherent that will never change) - someone in my shoes would encourage you to leave. You're seeing the awful things you and your family may have to suffer through, but you're neglecting to see something else that is very important.

Kids know when their parents are staying together to "keep the family together" or "for the sake of the kids" (my mother's explanation of her marriage to my father). Kids sense it and they hate it, and as adults may resent their parents for lying and having to grow up in an atmosphere that always felt oddly fraught. Then your child bases their own choices on their remembrances of your unhappiness (seeing Mum as she was, I will never get married or have children because the thought terrifies me - I am a 38F). So keeping things together for the sake of your family may be doing more harm to your family than good. Particularly considering your wife seems to need time to find out herself to figure out who she is. She just doesn't know it yet.

I know this sounds presumptuous and it's my perspective. I'm not saying that I have the answer, no two situations are the same etc. Good luck.