I had a significant heart surgery when I was in my early 20s. For complicated reasons, I was unable to be anesthetized. I vividly remember when they stopped my heart. I was clinically dead for only a minute but it seemed like eternity.

I felt my body shutting down part by part. After the panic faded, there was nothing. Void. I have a really hard time describing it to people because they think I'm describing a dark room or something. It wasn't that. There was no room and there was no dark. It was absolutely nothing. It was oddly peaceful.

Coming back was violent as hell. I remember the fire burning in my chest and the overwhelming taste of pennies in my mouth. It felt like someone had parked a truck on my chest. As everything "came back online" it was like I was bathing in fire. Every nerve in my body was going apeshit all at once. I tried gasping for air but I was on a ventillator so I tried desperately to remove it but I was restrained. It was fucking awful but imagining the alternative still gives me a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have so much left to do.