Complicated in my case. Very complicated.

He had beyond unrealistic expectations of me growing up, had a hard time separating home from the battlefield, and needed mental health health assistance, but I feel like the unrealistic expectations weren't merely selfishly motivated in comparison to my stepmother's (my bio mom passed when I was young, and she was the mom I knew). His parenting style was definitely authoritarian. You fucked up, you got spanked. With a belt if it was something major.

He's done/said some truly horrible things parenting-wise and has an inability to say he's sorry outright. Sometimes you can tell he's felt bad by his actions afterward. For instance, initially disowning my gay brother, but never being able to cease contact and needing to make sure he was alright when he was recently hospitalized, like visiting him constantly, freaking out about it, demanding the doctors change to better treatment, etc. I feel like his end goal was to shock him into changing his mind (Yeah, really, Dad. Not happening. Not exactly a choice.) And I'll never forgive him for the shit he said then.

But I have many great memories with him for all the bad. He introduced me to some really awesome movies and music, taught me how to play pinochle and drive a stick shift, shit like that.

There have definitely been some times I've wanted to cut off contact with him and never look back over something he said. It could be absolutely soul-crushing at times, but I've never been able to do it. It's one hell of a complicated relationship. I used to wish sometimes he was always an asshole so I could just hate him all the time and not feel guilty for it.

But I remember a lot of times when he stood up for me and told my stepmom she was being crazy, and all the time we time spent watching movies and stuff. And how when my stepmom berated me for being too much of a daddy's girl (I wouldn't say I am. She just wanted all the attention.), he told her he had to be more affectionate after my mom died and it wasn't abnormal to give his teenage daughter hugs. She wanted to be the only affectionate one for some reason.

And holy shit, that's a long-winded rant on my old man, but basically it's complicated. I feel like he'd be a great father if he'd just accept he needs mental health help instead of denying it. And also, recognizing he had a pretty shitty childhood instead of repeating the mistakes.