The examples I gave are things that differentiate in terms of experience but shape identity and refine it.

formulating an identity based on your perception of feminity, thinking about it and struggling, and deciding what a woman is to you and then focusing on how to be it

You do this too. It's just not as conscious. You take the perception of femininity that best fits you, including your personality, and how you want to live your life and embody it, just like we do. The reason it's a more conscious process for us is because our need to do that is often suppressed, whether by ourselves or by the expectations people have for us, often both, and it takes time to realize that that is what we need, even as everyone around us is telling us that we need something else.

The reason I know that you also experience taking your perception of femininity as it best suits you and striving to fit it is because I tried to do that with my birth sex, before I realized that I was trans. I tried to take a perception of masculinity that best suited me and embody it, and it wasn't a very conscious process. It still didn't work and only left me confused and with psychological problems, but I still did it unconsciously. Then when I did the same thing with femininity, it worked. I've finally sorted out my identity and how I want to live, all that jazz. This time, I was conscious of it, but only because I'd experienced the opposite unconsciously, and the huge difference in my overall mental health was extremely noticeable.

A conscious act is not the same as a forced act. In this case, quite the opposite. I tried to force myself to find a masculine identity and life that suited me and embody it, which left me with both mental and physical scars. Whereas when I did the same thing with a feminine identity, it came far more naturally and easily, and I've somewhat healed mentally as a result of doing so, although I still get harmful urges at times due to the situation with my parents.