I don’t think they were playing devil’s advocate. Manipulative behaviours CAN exist without a conscious choice, or somewhere in the middle between an active choice and unconscious habits and everything else.

It’s a different sort of situation, and different sorts of behaviours, but I grew up with a manipulative, abusive arse of a father, and after ages of knowing that and starting to heal, had to realise I had picked up some of his behaviours. Until that point, I hadn’t even noticed, so you can imagine the scare of that.

I’d argue the difference is not really whether it’s conscious, partially conscious or not at all, it’s what people do when they realise it. I had to work to notice this sort of thing in myself, and resolve it, and honestly? Sometimes it’s still hard, because some of it is more trauma response than copied behaviour, but it’s necessary to change it when it harms others or myself.

Same goes for guys who grew up and got into those sorts of behaviours. It’s a shit thing to act like this, sure, but I think it’s a grey area as long as, when they are confronted with those concepts, or called out on it, they examine their actions and try to change it

Tl;Dr: I was abused and manipulated and I think that behaviour CAN be partially unconscious. The comment wasn’t devil’s advocacy.