Dang I'm resonating with you there. My therapist said it was a good thing I didn't go to drugs when I confesded That even tho I felt like yourself @R G that I couldn't afford to not where I was and came from, that there were a few times that I really could of just done with it - trying a gateway ''safe" drug like pot or alcohol. That same determinisim was in the way I work which also very much included being a patsy to slackers or bosses being ashols to get more out of a worker. Yet "somehow a low level worker" unless needed in something higher, then I'd excel at that. Honestly I (had to) learned to move jobs -apply for something better when I saw it easier even for anything to get better. But I also had to learn to slow my mind and body too. I would react in work situations as I would at old home, - as if it's imperitive to steady the boat im in and make things right, that anothers consciousness must be tenderd too. Gotta learn to laugh and walk away