Im going to try my best to keep this from becoming my own personal pitty party but here we go.

One of the few fun traits in inherited from my father was the pathological need to lie. I think it could stem from just a massive amount of insecurity i try to cover up for.

Thinking back, it always seemed to just be me trying to get people to like me. Im not an extraordinary interesting person after all. I eventually tangled myself into a massive web of lies, becoming this made up person i had invented. Im pretty sure there where alot of people though who saw through my bullshit or at least had a few doubts. My story began to fall apart as i had to tell it more and more, and i think it had an affect on my sanity.

The worst of it was the fact i basically gaslighted the poor girl i was dating into thinking i was some one with a completely made up backstory for over a year. When i finally came clean to her, i could see her whole world come crashing down in her eyes.

She still stayed with me for a few years. In hindsight im not really sure why she stuck around as long as she did. Any trust she had in me was no longer there. Obviously this caused our relationship to have alot of problems over time. The biggest one being my denial. I refused to openly admit to myself and her that what i had done was extremely fucking mental. The amount of stress my lies and emotional instability put her through was way more then she ever deserved to deal with.

How the hell could i expect her to spend the rest of our relationship pretending like nothing was wrong after that? When she left, i think it was best for her. She was smart enough to cut all contact with me and went back to college.

Of course the whole thing eventually became common knowledge to our mutual friends and acquaintances who promptly dropped all contact with me also. No one wants to deal with some one they couldn't trust.

It was around that point everything i did kind of hit me at once. I realised i was a terrible and pathetic person. Its been alittle over a year or two now. The first step was admitting something was wrong with me, but i still have a way to go. We are all responsible for our own actions and the consequences of them. Be honest with your friends and loved ones. Shit will always come back to haunt you and sometimes the damage thats be done can never be undone.