Hmm, two horrible things actually.

My ex threatened to leave me 33 times when we were married, because of such egregious incidents as the time I told him to rinse noodles, or the time I said he could go to a concert without me. Once in a while it was because of slight ennui. He also insisted that our marriage remain a secret for the first four years we were married. Even from his family.

On average (from the time he started threatening divorce to the time he actually cheated on me and I threw him out), he threatened to divorce me once every other month. Sometimes he would bunch it up and threaten three times in a month.

Despite this (and other things), I tried to let it bounce off me and remain unaffected. I tried to always treat him the way I wanted to be treated, with kindness and sweetness and care. As you can imagine, inside I was extremely hurt and in a lot of pain on a daily basis. I cried in the toilets at work a LOT, but always came home with a smile on my face, trying once again to make it work.

So, once when we were eating with his family, they asked when we were thinking about getting married. He said that we weren't. We'd been married three years at that point. I went upstairs because I didn't want to cry in front of everyone. When he found me and yelled at me about leaving (because it looked suspicious), I told him "If you couldn't tell your family, we should never have gotten married."

The other time, he had once again threatened to leave me, and it was the next day and he was trying to patch things up. I said, "Every time you do this, I love you a little less. I love you much less now than I did when we got married. You need to stop doing this. Eventually my feelings will bounce back."

Both things were true, but I feel bad about them. I never wanted him to feel like I didn't love him with anything but my whole heart, and I compromised my principles by speaking so plainly. Instead of being the gateway to a frank discussion, it ended with him being hurt, and I didn't want to do that. What I wanted was for him to tell his family. What I wanted was for him to stop threatening me on a bi-monthly basis.

Eh well, doesn't matter any more! :)