So first of all, thank you for your comment. I appreciate you taking the time to write that out!

I hesitate to write her off that way because she is not normally like this - we've had very few disagreements in almost 20 years of friendship (we are in our mid thirties). It can be difficult sometimes because our lives have been VERY different. She is upper middle class, white, able bodied, has two loving parents and a loving family, great career, education, etc. I am visibly disabled, a POC, I come from a broken home and two very very very abusive parents. I was a high school drop out who got her diploma in her early 20s and have not been able to access post-secondary. I've been in therapy most of my life so I know that my emotional intelligence has had the opportunity to flourish beyond many of my peers (and I don't mean that in a condescending way - although it's cost me a lot of money I don't really have, being able to access therapy is a privilege I don't take for granted).

I grew up with a toxic, narcissistic mother who would be passive aggressive as fuck for ages and then blow up at you out of no where. As a young adult I made it my mission to not be like that and I worked on becoming a tactfully honest person. My friends have described me as someone that they can come to for an honest opinion without being cruel - which is a point of pride for me because I worked for YEARS to make that a genuine part of who I am - I did NOT used to be that person. I'm the type of person who, if I'm upset about something someone did and find that I'm not getting over it within 1-7 days, will just go to the person and tell them directly, and when someone genuinely apologizes I accept it and move on - I don't like to bring it up later unless absolutely necessary (like, there is a pattern of behaviour and the person denies ever doing it - then I'd bring it up. But I don't throw past arguments in people's faces).

My friend struggles with confrontation which is why I'm being more patient, here. But I admittedly find this particular situation very frustrating because it's just tiring. I find it very hard when people around me don't communicate their needs - even when asked and when I've done my absolute best to cultivate an environment in which they can feel comfortable. But part of being an understanding adult and friend is understanding that not everyone can tackle things the same way I can.

At this point I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that some of this is misguided aggression due to other contributing factors that have nothing to do with me (I know she has a lot of other things going on). Lord knows I have been granted a great deal of grace by people in my life so I feel it's my job to pass that on, where I can.

I definitely do not have a limitless amount of patience, however - if this continues then at a certain point I'm going to confront her and I may have to reconsider the future of the friendship.