As an infertile person can I ask you a serious question: why did you feel the need to say this?

I love and respect people who are willing to adopt and offer their love to a child who isn’t biologically theirs. Someone struggling with infertility is not looking to raise a child who is not biologically theirs.

Adoption won’t replace the pregnancy, the feeling of a little person growing, being a part of me. Adoption also won’t replace looking at a child a seeing my mother’s eyes and his father’s jawline. Adoption won’t replace watching habits form and realizing my great grandfather sat with his toes curled under that same way.

Not to mention adoption is often difficult and expensive Source. And only 10% of children who are waiting to be adopted are babies so you would likely also miss out on the infant experience all together.

Adoption is not a substitute. It’s not a simple solution. This question lacks understanding and empathy at such a deep level, and it’s like a secondary slap to the whole infertility.

When we were in year 10 of trying and nothing - a woman I worked with suddenly got pregnant out of the blue. Every day she would come into work and complain about the morning sickness. Talk about the plans she had for the nursery, or baby shower, or whatever and then turn to me and say “when are you going to get pregnant, luvitis?” That was the only more hurtful thing anyone ever said to me besides “you know you can adopt”.