I realize I'm a bit late, but the guy said to me while I was trying to pay for my coffee at Starbucks, "You're not paying for your coffee." But this was said in a very forceful, very scary sort of way. Also, later that night, he told me he was the son of Satan and that everywhere he goes, streetlights turn off. At that moment, the goddamn streetlight right above us shit off. Yes, I was freaked the fuck out.

Okay, so technically, he wasn't my date. He was the guy I grab on the way out to what I realized was a date with another creepy dude who tricked me into going somewhere with him alone. I thought we were going out in a big group of people to watch a movie. Turns out it was only this one guy so I grabbed another guy he said he knew. Turns out they were both fucking creepy.

Want to know the kicker? Turns out creepy "son of Satan" just doesn't know how to talk to the girl he has been crushing on for weeks. Yep, he admitted to staring out me for awhile with no plans to actually speak to me because he felt awkward as fuck. So...I've been married to him for the last 12 years. Wtf is wrong with me?