Throwaway here. You have no idea how much this resonates with me. Over the past 2-3 years ,

If you met me, you would think i was the king of life, generally having a gala time. That is the persona I have had to keep to assure the world everything is alright.

But the truth is, over the past 4 years everything that i thought i was good at, every ounce of whatever dignity I had, has been stripped away little by little. I was in a super high paying job but absolutely discontent in what i did so I quit wanting to do something better. So i quit, thinking i would start a company and do things differently , change the world. Boy, was i starry eyed.

Fast forward to today, I have lost everything, made absolutely every mistake you could make ( not focused , too trusting , not looking at the bottom line ), had shutdown my company after hearing the worst things form my employees who i considered family, , in about 400k of personal debt i.e basically money of friends who believed in me and wanted to help.., most of whom i can't even look in the eye. My wife, who is my partner on this and has been a rock, is the only one who has seen the worst part of me / gutted when one more thing goes wrong. She deserves so much better than a guy like me.

The only thing that keeps me going is the fact, that I WILL NOT take the easy way out and give her the burden of paying back my friends, nor will I let people down and burn away their hard earned money. Don't care how long it take and how much of me it takes, i will earn back every penny i have lost. That is the only thing that is keeping me alive. Rage and Shame.