I’m so sorry this happened to you. He crossed a line that should never be crossed.

I’ve seen this sort of thing before with people who are trying to be dominant and know fuck all about how to go about it. There’s no excuse for this though.

It is abuse.

As to your question regarding safe words. Safe words only work when there is also a clear understanding of limits. Crystal. Clear.

But even when hard limits are stated, contracts negotiated and safewords in place, abuse can still happen.

I hope you have some place you can go. You need to get some space from this person. You need to be safe. Please go to a trusted friend or family member. Like now. Right now.

What you experienced is not BDSM.

It’s abuse.