Oh boy.

A few 'close' friends of mine.

I used to share everything with them. I was being heavily bullied at school and these people were effectively my 'protectors'. My safe place, because then I wouldn't have to worry about being myself. I stood up for them when other people doubted them and I fought tooth and nail to believe that the inside matter more than the outside.

Well. Turns out that the people I knew for a decade, I didn't know at all. When I had some incredibly disappointing moments in my life, not a single one of them stepped up - or if there was something to say about it, then it was offhandedly dismissed.

Then there was the gaslighting - I really liked one of my friends. I didn't expect anything out of it. I just liked him. So I told him. Bad move - it turned into emotional blackmail / manipulation. He tried to make us a 'thing', but then had someone else he was fucking on the side, but it was all my fault. When I called him out on it, he turned on everyone else, including me, and mentally shat on them all. I don't think many people got over it. Painful times.

Another one was someone who spoke out and said that they enjoyed playing with people. I discovered I was part of a long list of names that he had mentally fucked about with 'for fun'. To experiment with.

I'd met another friend who would ignore anything I had to say and replaced any issues I had with his. He'd obsess over a girl that he liked and anything I had to say - bearing in mind that I was suicidal at this point - was compared to said-obsession. I was staying awake until 6am trying to comfort him about it. The lack of sleep and intense depression really sucked out my soul. I was a fucking idiot. I thought that I could give something back to the world. It was just a big babysitting session.

All the people who've just up and walked out of my life have fucked me up somehow. There's always that trail that's left behind. I'm stuck wondering what I did wrong.

Then there are the cheating exes. 'Nuff said there.

The teachers who called me a retard to my mother's face. They didn't like the idea of me being atheist and my mother being a muslim. They took out their frustration on me. Shouting and intimidation doesn't teach anything.

The girl who bullied me incessantly for a decade, from a little kid to being a young adult.

The result of that sum is a load of trust issues, depression and anxiety.

I appreciate knowing that this is more of an 'off your chest' than an answer. I'm glad it'll get buried.

TLDR; fuck you. Fuck you all. You fucking fucks.