I enjoyed reading your story. I'm not sure what, if any, feedback you're looking for here. I guess I can say that as a married woman in love with a much older married man, I understand a bit what you're going through. However, what I don't understand is that neither of you are married. I actually envy that! Sure, he has a girlfriend, but there's no legal entanglement, years of sharing a life together, children, property, etc. I'm not trying to judge here, but the girlfriend is an obstacle easily removed if he wants a relationship with you. It's hard enough dealing with coming second in my situation--know that breaking apart two families will cause immeasurable hurt and suffering for our families. Even though I've got a husband I have sex with, it still kills with me jealousy to think of my AP with his wife. I can't imagine being single and going through this suffering because my AP won't leave his girlfriend. A wife of twenty plus years and children? Yeah, I get the difficulty there. A girlfriend of a few years? That'd be harder to accept, especially when you were in his life before her. I think you're right to worry that you're making it easy for him to stay with her. I think the same thing of my AP. I make him happy enough that he can manage the unhappiness at home without leaving his wife. I don't like that, but then again, I'm married and not making much effort to change that on my end, either. In your case, I think you need to really reflect on what you want from your relationship with this man. Compare what you're sacrificing with what you're getting from the relationship. If you feel you want more, then don't be afraid to be direct in telling him what you want/need from him. He might be really concerned that he's robbing you of something because you're younger. He might believe he's saving you from making some mistake. If so, then tell him that he shouldn't make decisions for you. If you love him and are ok with the age difference, then he should accept that. If you're not ok with him having his girlfriend and you, then speak up. Don't give him an ultimatum. No one likes that. Instead, let him know how you feel. Start drawing boundaries for yourself. Don't be so available if you are now. Pull back a bit and see how he responds. People are resistant to change when they're comfortable. Make his life a little less comfortable and see what happens. This is obviously very general advice to a stranger, so do with it what you will. I guess I just wanted to respond because I understand a lot of what you're feeling. I also wanted to point out that this other woman isn't his wife, so don't treat her that way in your mind. In my case, I don't have that luxury. In yours though, well you've got just as much claim to him as she does, in my opinion. I find it very unlikely that I'd ever allow my AP to prioritize another woman over me if he weren't legally joined to her. I'm not judging here as much as I'm offering the perspective of a married woman who knows that there's a huge difference between a spouse and a boyfriend (live in or not). I say, know your worth and don't allow yourself to be treated any less than you feel you deserve to be treated. I think your AP will appreciate this. Chances are he really cares about you and doesn't want to be using you at your expense. It sounds to me like he's just grown comfortable with how things are, and when it's all working out well for him, then why would he want to initiate making any changes. Mix it up a bit. Make him a little less comfortable, and see what happens. I know this was long and rambling. I hope there was at least one helpful thing in all that I've written. Best of luck.