I'm dyspraxic and autistic. It takes me a lot longer to figure things out than it takes other people, but I'll get there in the end. I've found the perfect coach, and a team of people that I love to train with. I sometimes feel a little down when I see people progressing faster than me, but that's just my own insecurities, the gym is a (excuse the corny phrase) "judgement free zone".

The problem I have is training elsewhere. I'm petrified to go to seminars (I'm working on getting over that one - my instructor's instructor might be doing a seminar soon and I'd love to meet him at least once) because I don't want to work with strangers or pay a seminar fee plus travel to end up with an instructor that I find hard to work with. I also have zero interest in training at other gyms - BJJ is fun for me right now. I train six days a week, sometimes twice a day, and I love every second of it - but only because I'm training under the perfect person in the perfect environment.

I went to a tournament once and a coach there tried to talk me into joining a sort of competition team with some of his students (I'm very small/light, and the attitude in the community, naturally, is that people of similar sizes who struggle to find training partners should stick together). I declined, and had someone call me selfish for "depriving people of training partners".

I went through nine other martial arts places (I train MMA, not just BJJ) before I found the instructor I train under now. For me, it's not just the difference between "That was an AWESEOME class" and "Huh, I don't like the structure of that session", it's the difference between looking forward to the class or lying awake all night the evening before panicking about going, feeling physically sick on the bus in the way in, and having anxiety mid-session to the point that my hands are shaking so badly I can't open the case for my gumshield.

When my coach goes on holiday, I can just about cope with attending classes run by some of the senior students at the gym, but I find it incredibly draining mentally. The classes are interesting, but even though I know and like these people I find it so hard to learn from them that it leaves me feeling like I just competed/took a stressful, important exam. As much as I love those guys, I couldn't learn from them long term. Training at another gym is even more stressful than that.

I'm calling this a limitation because I do feel like I'm missing out sometimes. I don't get as much exposure to other styles of rolling as people that hop all over the region to meet other practitioners, and that has caught me out in competition a few times. I try my best to get around that by rolling with every new guy that comes to the gym, but it's not quite the same.

I feel pretty stupid when I have to explain to new guys why I train every session my instructor offers, and jump on any open mat/any daytime training that's going I never head up to other gyms. Everyone's been understanding, but I wish I could get over this. BJJ has helped a lot with other aspects of my autism - I'm in a much, much better place now than I was when I first started training, but I don't think I'll ever feel completely normal.