She said to me that she worked 40+ hour weeks, always had the house clean (I remember our house used to always look clean) and she'd always have dinner cooked for the whole family. She said it is doable and to not panic.
Mhm. One of my grandmas had 16 kids, worked a full workday on the farm and I defy you to have found dirt in her house. How was this possible? She was the kindest drill sergeant you'd ever met. In her old age, I can still remember her hawk eye and firm but loving commentary stopping my cousins dead in their tracks when they were up to no good about to pull a curtain down or something. Then again, in my grandmother's day - and to extent my own mother's, it was "okay" to say things were "right or wrong". Now everyone's on tippy toes about "parenting too harshly". And "not being like our own serious parents" or whatever. Now, imo, my own mother was too harsh and still to this day never approves of nearly anything I do. And that's been very hard for me. But, at the same time - I learned to have high expectations of myself and others because she taught me it was possible to be demanding of myself. My fiance's mom was the same way. Raised four boys, worked 9-5 + teaching lessons after school (music professor). Participated in community activities. NEVER said "Oh my everything is a mess because I have these kids". And her kids had diagnosed ADHD and all kinds of problems. AND her spouse was the very definition of NOT helpful.
I think it's individual though. Not every mother has the same energy level as the mother next to her. And we really shouldn't expect that. I also think it's that parents have their kids at older ages and maybe have less energy to deal with challenges that parenting might present.
Almost like they saying, "look, when you have kids you'll never be able to do anything so you might as well get used to living that way". It really does my head in because I feel like none of this advice is sound NOR comforting.
Yeah. It's not sound or comforting advice. But, for some people mess is their comfort. So, if someone said that advice to them they'd feel a lot better and lot less guilty about letting whatever go. And that's fine. Different strokes for different folks. I was raised in Camp Control though. So, I imagine no matter how much west coast hippie live-and-let live juice I drink, I'm statistically most likely to parent as my parents parented me. Which means my kid will be able to iron their own uniforms, get up on time and get themselves out the door. At least until Fertilizer unteaches them everything I've taught them how to do because he was raised far more liberally.