167 words Wake up to pregnant partner screaming that there's people in our garden
141 words When shops and takeaways pretend their card machine is broken, only for it to miraculously fix itself when you don't have cash.
178 words I consider myself far left and I don't want statues torn down and defaced. Yet I'm being blamed for it as well as communism, which is absurd as they are far dissimilar.
126 words The nimrod maritime patrol aircraft was retired almost a decade ago. It could perform searches at sea, helped by a searchlight with the power of 7 million candles. Unfortunately since it retired all of those searchlights have been fitted to audis and are now used only to drive up and down the M1.
127 words Center Parcs just charged me £11.38 for two pints of Guinness
160 words Landlind numbers and addresses
204 words Dear tourists. I hope you're enjoying London. The left of the escalator is for walking fast because you're in a rush, not for standing next to your friend with a large suitcase.
172 words Those lorries that bomb it down the right hand lane at 62mph to overtake the other lorry doing 61mph.
144 words Teenager asked me if I wanted to buy some "green" outside of Tesco express! This is like an illicit version of being asked for ID, rather than feeling good about yourself for looking so young you need to verify your age, I look so much like a criminal that random people offer me drugs for sale.
231 words 12 hours in casualty and various hospital departments. The NHS staff are amazing, the general British public are not!
125 words My 14 year old daughter had her vaccinations at school today. She said some kids didn't have theirs as their parents are anti vax and believe the vaccines can make you autistic or gay. This is England in 2019! Give me a gay autistic kid over a dead one any day !
141 words We were sitting in the wrong seats at the theatre. The people who actually should be in those seats wouldn't stop apologising as if they had done something wrong
269 words The first day that a new KFC has opened up on a small parade of shops and parking's already a nightmare and there's a crowd of chavs loitering outside on bikes smoking weed.
126 words Their mum is out today so I took my kids to the park. This lady I know comes up to me and asks how come I'm babysitting. Duh, it's called parenting, you muppet! You wouldn't ask a woman that question, would you?
184 words The only thing I really hate about being on holiday abroad, is seeing how rude some brits can be to hotel staff... Just say please and thank you at least.
121 words Almost getting run over while crossing a road, as certain cyclists feel the red light doesn't apply to them
191 words NHS mental health services are utterly broken and unfit for purpose
125 words The 0.2 milliseconds of coolness you get after flipping your pillow in this weather
142 words Apparently we needed a poll to know that WH Smith is the worst High Street shop.
130 words An old, drunk homeless man next to South Ken station was berating all the black people walking past, saying 'fuck off, you haven't ever been in Africa, you wasn't born in Africa, you've only been to Brixton, you're not black!'.