Who knows, I'm clean, usually dressed professionally, I shower every day, style my hair, keep my beard combed neatly, I'm not fat, not skinny, not overly ugly but not overly good looking either, I'm just a normal guy. I have resting-asshole face and people think I'm always pissed even if I'm in an fine mood.
I've had 3 situations with parents freaking out at me. The first one there was a baby sitting in a cart in front of me in the checkout line, so it was facing me and staring me down like I just proven the existence of the pentaquark. I just smiled, waved, and said "Hi!" in the kind of voice an adult uses to talk to babies. Not full-on baby talk, but maybe just a few semitones higher than how I'd normally say it, and with a little bit more excitement in my voice. The mom didn't like this and got between me and the baby and said loud enough for everyone in the checkout area to hear, "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY BABY! I tried to nicely explain that I was just waving and saying hi, and she threatened to call the police. I also saw her talking to the cop at the door and made it blatantly obvious that she was pointing at me.
The second one occurred at a different store in a different state while I was with my girlfriend. She was interacting with the baby in front of us in a similar situation as before, and not a god damn thing was said. The second that I made a silly face at the baby (even though the baby enjoyed it and smiled) the mom turned around, shot an evil glare at me, and stepped between me and the cart. She looked back at me in disgust at least 3 or 4 times after that. It definitely wasn't my imagination because my girlfriend asked what I did to that woman and wanted to know why she was so pissed at me.
The third one was one of the most outrageous and embarrassing things that has ever happened to me and took place within the last year. I live right next to a CVS and I walked over from my apartment to get something to drink. I walked in the door, turned right down an aisle to get to the coolers, and had absolutely no interaction with anybody. I don't even remember seeing anybody, but I'm sure I did, I just wasn't paying any attention. Well no sooner than I get to the coolers, this nasty trashy bitch and her white trash boyfriend/husband/whatever came walking up to me with their daughter who couldn't have been older than 2 or 3. This dude started screaming and threatening me "YO DUDE WHAT THE FUCK YOU LOOKING AT MY GIRL FOR?!?" I thought he was talking about his girlfriend. I said, "I'm not dude, I'm just getting a drink." and continued to look at the cooler deciding on which flavor of Shaq Soda I wanted. He said, "YEAH YOU DID I WE BOTH SAW YOU!" I still thought he was referring to the girlfriend at this point, and I looked up at him and said, "Dude, I'm not looking at her, leave me the fuck alone, I'm just buying a drink and she's not my type." The look on his face was somewhere between angry and confused and he started SCREAMING "AY FUCK YOU MAN I'M TALKING ABOUT MY FUCKING DAUGHTER YOU NASTY FUCK!! AYYYY!!!!! AYYYY!!!!! SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE THIS FUCKING DUDE WAS TRYING TO TOUCH MY LITTLE GIRL!"
My adrenaline was off the charts at this point and my initial thought was to just knock the guy out and walk out of the store. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but I'm a pretty decent sized guy at 6'0" and I'm in pretty decent shape and an ex college wrestler at 184 lbs (I weigh a lot more than that now), and he was about the same height as me but couldn't have weighed more than 160lbs. I decided against it because I wasn't about to get in a fight at CVS with some hillbilly, especially because the whole store has cameras and I am fairly certain I never crossed paths with him OR his daughter before he confronted me. I sucked up my 28 year old guy pride and walked the opposite direction (away from the counter), down a different aisle, and back to the main aisle going down the center of the store. Well the douchebag wasn't happy with this and stepped out of the other aisle just as I was about to pass and got between me and the counter and said something to the order of, "No, you're not going ANYWHERE until the fucking cops get here." I said, "Yeah I am. I'm going to buy my drink and go home. Get out of my way." He didn't get out of my way and at this point, both the people at the checkout counter had their phones up to their ear calling the police. I kept walking until I was chest to chest with this guy and lightly pushed him to the side with one hand. He continued to stand next to me and I could literally feel his breathe on me because of how close he was standing, and he just kept chirping about me being a pervert and how I'm disgusting, etc. I just kept my jaw clenched in case he decided to punch me, which to be honest, I was hoping for so I could beat his ass and claim self defense. The line was at a hault because both cashiers were on the phone and there were maybe 3 or 4 people in line in front of me who all stepped to the side and were watching this guy accuse me of molesting his daughter. Well the cops showed up. Literally within a minute. I think the one girl was still on the phone, so I'm assuming there was just a cop in the area already. I got cuffed and complied with the police, tried to calmly explain to the cop that I didn't try to molest his daughter and didn't even notice the family and I just wanted some god damn Shaq soda. The cop didn't care, he was an ass that already decided I was guilty. I told him to pull the video and he said they couldn't because only 1 guy works the camera and was not on shift that day. I politely asked if they could call him, and they agreed. In the meantime I'm sitting in the back of a cop car, a crowd has formed, this white trash family is sitting there on the side of the building talking to the cops in an exaggerated white trash way about me molesting the daughter and how I'm a pervert and the cops had this terrible disgusted look on their face, I'm shitting my pants because I thought I was going to be labeled a pedophile for life, and I'm right on a busy street with at least 30 cars per minute passing. I was fucking humiliated. So the dude that operates the cameras finally showed up like 45 minutes later, the cops went inside with him for literally no more that 2 minutes, then came back out and let me out of the cuffs. The cop said, "We saw the footage. It was very apparent that when you walked in, they were standing in an aisle on the opposite side of the store and your head never even turned in the direction of his daughter until they confronted you by the cooler. We're sorry about this whole thing. Hang around for a few more minutes so we can get your statement and you'll be free to go. Here's your drink back," as he handed me my Shaq soda. I didn't pay for the soda because the cops arrived as I was waiting in line, but when they cuffed me, the one officer took it out of my hand and brought it outside with him. The cops stole the soda for me.
Anyways, two of the cops walked away from me towards where the guy was standing on the other side of the building, and he was gone. The whole family just fucking dipped. I gave my statement, the cops were satisfied, and even did me a favor. Since I live right next to the CVS and go there all the time, I asked the cop to walk in the store with me and inform the cashiers that the guy made the whole thing up and I wasn't being a creep. The one cop did that for me and the cashiers had a good laugh about how fucking crazy that guy was.
TL;DR I got a free $0.99 Shaq Soda
