Hey CartesianBear37,

A short critique from me.

First off I want to let you know: I hate fantasy, it's so pointless, especially the magic and the wizards... I can go on and on about it. Still, I made it to the end of your story, and that is a compliment to your writing. It was your writing and style that inspired me through it.

The beginning didn't draw me in at all. As soon as I saw the MC name + "summoning" and knew what was up ahead, I was ready to exit. But then I saw this

otherself reaching into the cosmic ether and drawing them forth

And it was interesting enough to keep me going. I very clearly see all the abstract images you're conjuring, but sometimes I feel I'm reading a manual of events(?). This is not so much an issue when your runes arise or a web of spells is cast etc, but it is more about knowing than actually feeling. Despite the genre I wanted to read more, that's good but I also want to invest myself and my emotions in the story, as a reader, not just satisfy a curiosity to know the ending.

Thoughts:

Dress down.

Imagine we dress a person. The shirt is irregularly striped in the colours of the rainbow. Now add a vest, it's front is a collage of roller coasters and the rest is emojis. On the 2 meter long trousers (they are worn with stilts) are sown a screen, the screen is looping a video clip over and over, the video is a zoomed in anthill that sometimes cuts to fireworks. Top it off with hat once worn by Henry VIII and shoes worn by spice girls. I'm sure any person who'd love to wear all this is a very interesting person, full of integrity and passion, and we had a lot of fun styling. But it's too much. Each of these things are in themselves totally fine, but for us to appreciate it fully the rest must be toned down, if the point of it all is not that we shall dive into a study of design and effect. (It's so early I'm so tired, I can't be more on point right now)

Obviously you have very clear images, and you are capable of communicating the images, and sometimes beautifully... just not all at once. It's too dense with image. The 'construct' was great in your story in that it helped lift it, it lighted your story not just in mood, see for example what happens when it is discovered by MC and they interact. Much lighter read. The images don't suffer. The point is not lost. This is not to mean all your text must be exactly this. Just implement some of the 'light components' into the heavy, dense part of the text, (by way of pace, a zoom-in or zoom-out, experiment) so we can read and see more effortlessly.

The second suggestion is simply, listen to your story. Literally. Ask a friend or tell a robot to record it. Then listen to it back to back. While you eat, while you smoke, while you're trying to get some sleep. It will steer you in the right direction, regarding the first point.

I mean well by these suggestions, I have the very same challenges with my own writing.

If I was not clear, please ask.

Now I will read your short story about war.