My SO and I have a kind of "safe word" when we feel like a discussion or argument is getting too folded in on itself and our feelings about the other's feelings, etc. Maybe it's more of a reset word, but hey. Heh.

We decided if someone says it, we both back off the conversation and each other and agree to put ourselves in that person's shoes when we come back to it. Rethink our word usages, put ourselves in the other person's shoes... basically figure out where the communication went awry.

We can't always get there, but often just saying the word and having the "reset" definitely helps us both cool out as far as getting in our own heads and feeling emotional or hurt or any of the rest. It can help shake you out of defensive arguing a little.