I (22F) did something really bad, I let my insecurities get the best of me and I went through my boyfriend's(22m) phone.

This actually makes a lot of sense now.

I think the reason why so many people are confused is that we are not used to someone who is just unable to communicate with their partner. The way that the OP was written it seems like you have tried to talk and he is just an asshole.

But this comment shows that you just don't know how to communicate at all so he isn't being an asshole, he is just doing what he thinks is right because you haven't told him what you actually need.

Ok. So. Tell him what you need. Sit him down and say "Boyfriend. This relationship is a mess right now. I have been going crazy trying to figure it out on my own, but I think we really need to get to the bottom of this as a team.

So I am going to tell you what has been bothering me and we can work on solutions together.

(1) When you asked for an open relationship it made me feel like I was not enough for you. I felt insecure and overwhelmed. I did not tell you this, and I should have expressed it. I never let you know how bad it made me feel and I am sorry.

(2) Even though that situation kind of just went away, I haven't gotten any resolution or reassurance about it. And that is because I didn't ask for it. But my head has been really fighting the idea of you with someone else.

(3) That insecurity and unease led me to read your text messages. I know that I should trust you, but the lack of clarity about where we stand has gotten out of hand. I know I should have just talked to you about it, but I have been unable to do that.

(4) I found some really disturbing texts to other girls. I now feel like you don't want to be with me and again, that I am not good enough.

(5) I think that this problem can be overcome if we work together. I will try to be better at telling you what I need and what I expect, and I need to know 100% that you are not looking for other girls."

Phew, ok, i think that about covers it. This is what communicating looks like.

You are ALLOWED to tell your SO what your feelings are. You are allowed to tell them when you are unsure, insecure, or have something on your mind.

There should never be a time where you are upset and just let it go, or talk to other friends instead. He needs to know where you are coming from and you need to know where he is coming from, and that can only happen with direct communication.

In a healthy relationship there is no guessing - you know what the other person wants and how they are feeling.

Whether or not this relationship works out, this is something that you need to work on.

I hope this helps :)

/r/relationship_advice Thread