23 April 2016

Thanks for responding and explaining a few things; I genuinely didn't realise I was being so offensive. I have edited my GP with an apology.

Well considering that you were pretty disrespectful I'm not sure how you intended to support this discussion, all she did was discuss here internal thoughts about a situation (away from the situation) and even started with a disclaimer that she was just being bitchy because the way these blokes acted around the gym annoyed her. Does she think she's better than them? Maybe, but who cares.

Fair enough.

Everyone is guilty of a little arrogance sometimes, even you since you considered yourself so pious that you could cast judgment on her.

Not sure what you mean by pious here but otherwise I absolutely agree, which is why I'll say the following.

What I should've done in hindsight was just not post a three word "FYI that's arrogance" because I was in a rush (it was bedtime for me) and ironically it's arrogant. If I felt so inclined to discuss this matter and had sat down to explain myself, I would've put it thus:

I genuinely feel in general gyms are, from what I've observed and experienced, extremely toxic social environments. If one isn't sufficiently thick skinned, it is very easy to gain or encourage emotional complexes/insecurties because of the various forms of behaviour people exhibit: e.g. the behaviour GP had said she hated. I agree, I dislike that behaviour, but I think when I look at people like that (or at least used to -- I train at home now and if I got to a gym e.g. on holiday I ignore everyone) we are forgetting one thing: a lot of people go to gyms to cure an insecurity. I'm not claiming GP is/was/etc, but I know I was. Whether it's being overweight, feeling depressed, avoiding family/friends/whoever; lots of people go there with insecurities. I was overweight when I started, and quickly got into fitness and eventually into free weights and powerlifting thanks to friends. I ended up thinking I was better than people because I exhibited exactly the same behaviour GP did, that is I would look down on people for shallow squatting, half-repping on bench, etc etc. Looking back, it was just insecurity on my part, and a flawed character no doubt, but it isn't healthy from an emotional/ego point of view. Festering that attitude towards other human beings just serves to make one unhappy: it's your energy you're wasting looking down on them, and it's your emotional baggage you're adding to because you take on that hatred. This is what I was -- pompously, I accept -- trying to get across and hoping prevent.

Everyone behaves the way that do for a reason. Young lads being loud and squatting poorly? Insecure boys not comfortable in their own skin. Perhaps they think they're impressing someone by behaving like that. That six-foot bald guy bowling it around puffed up like a turkey? I am willing to bet is driven by insecurity to some level. Little me benching/squatting/DL'ing and thinking I'm better than the guy next to me squatting poorly? Arrogance and in need of guidance from a mentor.

I feel like, given the way things are these days -- extremism, lack of empathy for one another, western societies in a relentless pursuit of profit -- that I should have said something because I want to encourage compassion and respect. Granted, the way I did it was wrong.

To be fair, looking back on what GP said:

This isn't nice, but the bitchy part of me (I am a female) just really enjoys out-front-squatting the bros next to me at the gym who are squatting terribly and acting like they are hot shit.

That's cool. I don't blame her. I just didn't want her making the mistakes I did, but I put it in a really poor way. And perhaps I had no right to try and "protect"/encourage? I don't know.

You're still being offensive, that's why. You're trying to defend your actions which were frankly rude and suggest that you were right by adding: Note, GP openly admitted it wasn't nice and has accepted it was arrogant.

Actually I was trying to explain myself but was hurt by some of the responses. It's called digging myself a hole.

/r/powerlifting Thread Parent