I went throughout my girlfriends phone and noticed there is a guy who text messages her once in a while and I have noticed he is sending some flirtatious admirable words her way. While not being very obvious flirtations I think he is playing it somewhat safe but definitely leaning the direction of flirting and showing he likes her.
She does not know I saw these messages at all and I wrote them off as no big deal. Well, I saw a message that he sent and it sent me over the edge so I played a mind game with her. Long story short I asked the right questions and she said there is a friend of hers that flirts with her (ding ding she sees it as flirting) but that she deflects it because she can't tell if its flirting of being generally nice. I asked her why she doesn't tell him to stop and that she is in a relationship. She says she does deflect his texts with things about how she just did such and such a thing with her boyfriend. (Which I only saw like two messages about me and the rest were just sort of friendly responses to his flirtations somewhat deflective.) So I start to believe she is genuinely being deflective with him…
Minutes before this conversation I saw the messages were all in her phone. I asked her to show me what kind of messages he sends her and if I could see them. She says: "I delete them but next time he does I will show you." LIE…I just caught her in a lie. I walk out of the room and smoke a cigarette. I come back into the room she says: "I just messaged him to stop talking to me in the ways he does because I am in a relationship." I asked her to show me again. She pulls out her phone no problem and shows me but now all their messages are gone. DELETED.
I started getting really angry she thinks she just pulled a fast one on me and this is getting worse because I have a picture on my phone of the last message he sent her that pissed me off so bad. I asked her what other kinds of things he would say to her and asked what the last thing he said to her was. She responds with something that seemed so harmless when in fact I knew what he said was very directly flirting towards her.
I told her that I am not stupid and that I know she deleted the messages just when I walked out of the room. She realizes somethings up and tells me she did and that she is sorry because she knew I couldn't handle it. I told her that she knew something was wrong with it and she didn't put a stop to it…why? She said she just knew I would get mad and now she is upset because now there is no way to show me what was said and she feels horrible. I show her the picture I took of his last message, I told her I saw the messages in her phone two days ago as well and that I knew everything they said to each other.
She felt horrible and apologized saying it was nothing and admitted she fucked up in being nice to him. I don't know what to do. I apologized for breaking our trust and going through her phone but there have been some odd vibes going between us lately and I am feeling a bit depressed in my life lately. All she can say is she is sorry and we are going to have a talk about it tonight and I have no clue what to do from here. She wasn't necessarily flirting back with him but she also wasn't really shutting him down either. She knows our trust is broken and I told her that I can't even begin to imagine what else has been going on with other people. I really thought I could trust her and out of paranoia I found something I don't think is a reason to break up but it is definitely something that makes me wonder what the fuck I am going to do?
TLDR: Went through SO phone and saw a guy borderline flirting with her. She did mention being with a BF, this guy is somewhat relentless while she is somewhat deflecting but it seems like she is keeping him in orbit as well though. Caught her in a lie and am not sure why she lied. It doesn't seem like a major reason to break up and I don't know what to do. Probably best to read above to get some more info.