I come from a super super shitty family situation. The best thing you can do is cut off that toxicity. Clean break, done. It hurts, it stinks, but for me it was much healthier. You need to find a way to grieve and let go of the idea/hope of ever having the ideal mother/daughter, etc family relationship. It's just not going to happen. I had to accept that my parents never loved me and at first it was hard. You think, "what's wrong with me?" NOTHING. It's them. And because you're not the problem and never have been you can't fix it. But you know what?

You're starting your own family! That means you can do everything right, you can have your own beautiful family and have those relationships that you crave.