I appreciate that. To be honest, I do get upset at times because of stress/depression/anxiety. I try not to take it out on anyone... And I have told her I get grumpy when my depression gets worse. She's made a lot of comments that have been manipulative. Like she grew up with that being normalized and allowed. And I don't put up with it. The moment she starts to feel any amount of stress though, she says she has to stop talking because of her heart (she had a cardiac event some years ago). She never apologizes. She accuses me of picking fights because I'm bored, which is ridiculous. I'm not at all bored.
Honestly most fights wouldn't be fights if she didn't get upset when I try to talk about something. Then she tries to police how I speak "I won't talk if you sound like a baby."
She knows I have trauma regarding speaking up for myself and literally says things like that. She even has put me down about how I spoke to my ex, which wasn't bad at all. He was abusive- she was the one who pointed out his abuse. But now she makes it sound like I was the abuser. But to get me to shut up, she'll say "you can't talk to me like you did your ex." Except she uses his name.
And she says that in ear shot of my kids. I told her, "you mean rationally, and pleadingly. Because that's how I talked to him. Until I started really sticking up for myself and my kids."
She has said, "I don't get into fights, because I don't like negativity. I focus on the work that needs to be done."
She doesn't understand that communicating through disagreement isn't a fight.
I don't want a fight, I want a discussion. And she never compromises on anything. Or if she does, she doesn't communicate that she's compromising. So I'm left feeling upset, while she does as I ask. But she's too proud to say, "okay, yeah, that works."
She just tries to shut me down or ignore me and then says, "I don't get why your upset, you stress yourself out too much."
She's literally said she leaves people on read when they don't answer her the way she wants them to. In order to "punish them" or make them panic. I don't think she realizes that it just makes people angry. And that its incredibly manipulative.
(For the record she works for me, so this behavior is about her literal job, but we were friends long before this).
she needs to move out soon.