I can’t drive (I don’t have any opportunities to fulfill my hours. The driving this is actually extremely complicated, because even when I can drive I don’t trust myself enough to do it.)and I don’t have friends. Before I left school I was really mean to them because I thought I was going to die (it’s weird but I truly thought I was going to die. This was 3 years ago in 8th grade.) my grandmother is in complete control and without her help it just won’t happen. I’ve already been told I need a psychiatrist by my doctor butttt not going to happen (it would be free. She just doesn’t want to take me because it’s too out of the way. She’s not very physically healthy so I can see why she wouldn’t want to do it). I appreciate the suggestions but I honestly don’t know how I’m going to use it. I might be completely missing the point on what you’re saying, but I think I’m too dumb to be able to do this on my own. I don’t want to hurt her by faking something or calling the cops because she doesn’t deserve to get into trouble for this but I don’t think I deserve to live like this anymore either.