It wasn't until I was on a 10 miler one brisk Saturday morning that I truly felt as if I were a runner...

The night prior, I had cooked-up a hearty dish of vegan thai green curry noodles and vegetables. I woke the next morning, took a big ol' dump, and went out the door.

I was feeling great, running along the empty trails until mile 5, when I felt...shall we say a gaseous feeling emanating from deep within my bowels. I shrugged it off and paused to pee. About a half-mile later, I got out a packet of Gu and felt a rumble. I tore open the packet and just as a I squeezed it into my mouth, I farted. But it wasn't a fart...it was diarrhea.

Mighty fuck! I thought to myself. There I was, 4.5 miles out and no toilet paper or leaves to be found. I slowly reached my hand around my backside and was relieved to find no turds but a sea of butt mud (Thank everything holy & unholy I was wearing tights over my shorts)!

I then took stock of my newfound predicament (and keep in mind I hadn't stopped running since I had paused to pee). I decided what was done was done and I only had 4.5 miles left to get back home and clean up, so on I ran.

It was getting later and the sun was now fully above the horizon so other runners were no out as well. Of course, this was the morning when every attractive female in the area decided to go for a run and I must have passed about a half-dozen on my way home. I was sure they could smell it. I definitely could smell it and for some odd reason, I had managed to speed up since taking stock, as if I could outrun my own bodily waste.

I made it back home and somehow managed to take my shoes off without much bending or twisting and jumped in the shower. I stripped off in the hot steamy water, removing shirt, socks, hat, watch, & tights. I took a deep breath and removed my shorts. A thick green liquid poured out into the tub. I cried a little.

I spent the next five minutes cleaning my clothes then another 20 cleaning myself. Got the stains out and everything. After dressing, I spent an hour scouring the tub and then did laundry. Everything was as good as new.

So no, poop is still funny.

This is the second thing that popped into my head after taking stock