Honestly I don’t sleep anymore. I’ve always suffered from insomnia but I just got a new job (Management) which I thought I loved but there is so much asked of me (and no help) I literally don’t have the time to do it in a day. I feel lucky for the opportunity and I know I am fortunate to even have a job but I have alienated my family and neglected my personal responsibilities because when I get home I literally, almost collapse into my bed. I had a brief encounter with drugs because I thought they would maybe help at the time but they didn’t and I knew they wouldn’t. I don’t do any drugs currently but I also don’t take care of myself; there is no time. My JOB is to appear “effortless and beautiful and secure” and I have been working my ass off constantly to even get close. I miss my family. I didn’t even decorate for Christmas this year because I deemed it a “waste of time”. I have been working towards achieving complete independence for a long time but I need them. I need help. I hate that. I wish more than anything that I could do what was asked of me (for once) and not feel “overwhelmed”. I just want to be normal. I want to be a good sister and daughter and friend and manager. I don’t want to let anyone down.....This is why I don’t sleep.