A debilitating mental illness that has and continues to destroy my life through the years and left me in a state of financial, emotional, mental and interpersonal ruin. I'm not going to name my diagnosis, but it's one that is very misunderstood by the general public as being something it isn't.

I wouldn't say I'm entirely physically unattractive. Very thin, mixed race, mid 30's, no drinking, no drugs. But that doesn't mean anything in the face of being in a position where I've lost my independence. All personal belongings sequestered to one room. I'm able to leave the property maybe 3 to 4 times a month if I'm lucky. I've tried my best to utilize the garage and my mechanic skills to make some extra income, but it's so wishy washy with coming into contact with people, I only take on work that I can reasonably perform within a week. I never know when I'll have to retreat back inside and drop what I'm doing.

I have 2 friends who I can never really visit, maybe 3 times a year. They can never really visit me either because even with medication and therapy, my symptoms aren't mine to control or turn on and off. It's overwhelming.

I'm single because after a lot of isolation and introspection, I've come to the realization that inflicting my lifestyle, problems and needs onto another human being would be extremely unfair, exhausting and in a way lead them to resent me.Which is the opposite of what being in a relationship is supposed to be.

It isn't that I think I'm undeserving of love or caring, it's that inflicting myself on another human being is too much to simply ask of anyone for a long term setting. I bring nothing of tangible value to the table, except maybe a good conversation and being able to cook well when I can do so.