My wife left town with my daughter one day Leaving me alone in the whole house to play When suddenly I spied from the corner of my eye A doll on my daughter's bed
It had glorious gold locks and a dress to admire But all I wanted was to set the bloody thing on fire Because you see this doll is not for thee I was convinced it roamed the house at night trying to kill me.
I picked up the doll and I looked in its eyes When I felt the sudden anger burning inside So I ran to the kitchen to fetch a sharp knife And i began to cut off it's head
Suddenly I heard a key twisting in the door A wave of fear washed over me "my wife is back! what for?!?!" I looked up and there she stood in the kitchen light I gasped "honey?!?! I swear, it's not what it looks like"
I saw the fear in her eyes as she reached for the phone I said "my dear, it's ok, it had to be done!" "You see, this doll is evil, we need an exorcist" She said "my love you've gone crazy, I'm calling a specialist"
I yelled "I will end this dolls life if it's the last thing I do!" Then I fashioned a rope out of tea towels and ran into the next room My wife screamed "stop right there!" but I pretended not to hear As I hanged the cursed thing from the chandelier
I stood back to admire such a glorious sight When suddenly the door opened behind me and a small voice let out a fright I turned around to see my daughter staring at me She cried "daddy! What have you done to my poor Bethany?!
I said "the doll was evil sweetheart, I had to save your life" She replied "but daddy we had a tea party scheduled for tonight" My wife came around the corner and started raising hell I got up to run away from her but I slipped on the rug and fell.
My wife screamed "you fool! Get up and account for what you have done!" I let out a cry and exclaimed "I think I've broken my bum! She screamed "you're pathetic! I'm taking our daughter and leaving! I replied "that's ok, I understand for Bethany you must be grieving".
So there I lay alone on the lounge room floor With nothing but a shattered ego and a bum that was sore But at least I achieved what I originally set out for The evil doll that tormented me was finally no more