I wanted to circle back on this. I've started going to therapy (not just for this specific issue) and am working on my issues and mind movies. We've had a few conversations about this in the past month, and none go well. In addition to the tension it creates, the details she provides are not helpful to my problem. I thought greater clarity would help. They really do not. She, like me, doesn't understand why I'm feeling this now. She can be frustrated with how I feel about it, and that just sends me into a shame spiral. I can't really talk with her about it. I told her that when it starts to nag at me, I will say to her "Nothing before today matters," and that's my code for me struggling with this. She'll hug me, and then we don't talk about it. The physical contact and flagging for her that the thoughts are creeping in does help a little--but without getting into an unproductive conversation. We'll see if it works in the long term.

I'm still planning to visit the doctor at some point to test my T-levels to see if that would be part of the problem.