Sooo.. I slept with a friend on NYE a few years back all consensual. Anyway, this girl was pretty large and I can't say I was too attracted to her, however, being full of booze changes that as we all know.
Next 3 or 4 months she's texting me every other week or so asking to travel to my place and spend the weekend with me, I knew what she wanted and I was always sober when she asked so it was an easy no. A few times I ignored the text.
Then came the day she text me while I was out drinking, naturally I'm thinking with my dick and think fuck it, why not, yeah come on down next weekend. I forget about this exchange, then 3 days before she's due to arrive she texts to remind me, I didn't have the balls to let her down so I just went along with it and said see you then. Fast forward to the Saturday, she rocks up, its a little bit awkward, I hadn't made any plans as my town is boring, I hadn't really thought anything through so I thought ok, just do it basically get it over and done with. Go to the room, have sex, ok cool, go back to living room and she starts trying to tug away, I tell her no calm it, end up going out for some food as something to do. Come back to the flat, watch a bit of tv and she's trying to get in my pants again. Here's when I really realise I fucked up and I felt like I couldn't say no as she has driven all the way to see me for a sex weekend.... so I give in, have sex again as we can go to sleep after and that will be that.
Chilling in bed at around midnight, just dozing off and she gets on top of me and starts kissing and grinding me, again, guilt washes over me and I think ok one absolute last time, fuck i'm never doing this again. Again I felt powerless and a bit of a pussy, I should of just said no but I couldn't.. So we have sex again. Go to sleep. I wake up at 3am with my dick in her mouth, she was giving me a blowy while I was sleeping. I say what are you doing? but AGAIN I don't stop it.... i'm literally gritting my teeth and feeling so angry at myself, why am I not stopping her? She's a nice girl she'll understand but also she's up for a weekend expecting to have sex all through it, I don't wanna be an asshole (sounds ridiculous now I know) Anyway... finally go back to sleep... I kid you not I wake up at 5am and my dick is in her mouth again, at this point I say no, really, I really can't anymore, I'm done, she stops and that's that. Wake up in the morning, go on as normal, go for a wander etc. I think she tried it on for one last time before she drove home but I said no at that point and she didn't push it. I've laughed a bit about it with my friends as 'male rape' is aparently so ridiculous in society that we just laugh at it. I've made light of the situation myself but it really made me realise how powerless some men are and how debiliating it can be to be raped by a woman. We're still friends and she's actually a really nice girl, I haven't spoke to her about this, now it's a few years back I feel I don't really need to.