Ahh, the good ol' Blue Ringed Octopus. I have much experience with this deadly creature. Of course, I don't live in Australia and I'm no marine biologist but I do know her very well.

You see, my friend and next door neighbor growing up was a very, let's say, unusual fellow. First off, he was black and his name was Jacques and he wasn't French so there was that. But more importantly, he loved quoting stats on pretty much everything. The problem? These stats had no basis in any form of reality, he just pulled them out of his ass but with complete sincerity.

Next, he LOVED the (old and good) Discovery Channel. Other than his extremely detailed play by plays of late night Skinimax where the guy was always "tearing her pussy up, I mean just tearrrinng her pussy up", I'd say informing us of the new animal facts he had learned was his second passion.

Anyway, he is also super competitive and whenever we'd play basketball these quirks would combine most strangely in a very specific format where he was "gonna throw a <deadly animal> on you and it will kill you in <specific amount of time>".

So, say you make a shot when someone else on his team is guarding you. Out comes "I'll gonna throw a black widow spider on you and it will kill you in 45 minutes." Deadly, but he gives me time to get to the hospital. Now say you make a shot on him and he starts to get mad. "I'm gonna throw a sea snake on you and it will kill you in 4.5 minutes." Oh, snap, but at least I'll have a chance to say goodbye to my family. BUT, win the game? Motherfucker shows no mercy and says "I'm gonna throw a blue ringed octopus on you and it will kill you in 2.4 seconds". I mean he's just gonna drop me straight to the ground with that shit.

Fucking blue ringed octopi, I don't know much else about them but those motherfuckers were a Sword of Damocles my entire childhood. I don't exactly know where he planned to get one but I wasn't playing either cause I knew those bitches kill you in 2.4 seconds