Oh I totally agree it's much easier said than done. No question.

But let's analyze what you just said for a sec:

...assuming that the word in question was not created to be a hate word.

Ok so let's consider for a moment that the word was NOT intended to be hateful. IF someone is offended, isn't that a misinterpretation? Isn't that the fault of the listener (a/k/a the offended person) and not the speaker?

Let's consider the other aspect - that the word was intended to be hatful. If I refuse to be offended, doesn't that word then lose it's power?

I feel like words whose purpose to insult can't help but be offensive.

I think what you're trying to say (correct me if i"M wrong) is that there are words that can't help but BE offensive. However, I think my above examples show that really, this all lies with the listener. If the listener refuses to get offended by any word, the words lose their power.

My point is that this has nothing to do with the speaker. A person can be speaking and we don't know their intent. They may be a racist fuck or without racism but our interpretation of their words is what gives them power or not.