I was in the same situation as you but minus the dad. He lived everywhere but home until I moved in with him at 12. I was raised by an angry bipolar mom that would physically and emotionally abuse me for not being able to focus on my homework. I'm talking manic episode hitting me up the stairs and into my room on a semi regular basis. I've had gnarly anger problems my entire life because of it with a healthy dash of anxiety mixed in. I don't even resent my mom for it either. She passed away a few years ago and I never got to talk to her about it but I doubt it would have helped anyway. I later found out from my dad that she was heavily abused as a child as well. She wasn't all bad though. When she wasnt sleeping all day or coming mentally unhinged she was funny and caring and really smart. I always knew something was off with her but what can a little kid do? This was in the 80s when kids couldn't call CPS on their parents. I also remembered the insane fights my parents used to get in when they were together. It was rough but it was all I knew. I thought it was just what happened in life. I'm having my first kid at the end of this year and I'm terrified I'll do the same thing to her. I'm doing everything I can to work on myself so it doesn't happen. I've finally learned to walk away when I get mad most of the time. It's hard man. It's like a switch gets flipped and I just yell mean shit in a blind rage. Ive never hit anyone though. Ever. It's my biggest character flaw and I hate myself for being like that but I can't use it as a crutch for the rest of my life. I'm determined to break the cycle if it's the last thing I do. I've always used humor to cope with stuff which is why whenever I see the funniest guy in the room I always wonder what horrible shit happened to them when they were a kid. I dont know where I'm going with this. Don't beat your kids I guess. It hits deep and you can never fully get rid of it. Just manage to not let it run your life. Hope you turned out OK buddy!