Answer in relation to title: dating anyone, bipolar or not, could potentially be a bad idea. It all depends on the individual does it not? If he is not stable, than obviously it’s not a wise situation as you may trigger each other. However, I personally wouldn’t rule someone out simply based on a label for a condition that has an incredible array of ways in which it can manifest itself in each individual. I suggest you evaluate this young gentleman in question based on his character, how he treats you and others, not how his illness treats him. (I apologise for the excessive cursing in this post, but I am Australian and I am fairly sure this is how must of us speak. They’re not as naughty a words as they can be in other countries, I bleeped most of it out I think, so please take no offence from it!)
How are we, Littlesunmama?
I am a 23 years old, I male from Australia and I also have ADHD and bipolar t1 (a few other goodies thrown in the mix, but not too relevant right now), for nearing 10 years, maybe 7 years diagnosed. I am super glad you took the time to share your story, I wasn’t quite sure what solace I would be able to offer, So I thought instead I might share a brief (EDIT: I swear it was originally intended to be to brief! I’m sorry about the now essay!) dating history in relation to either my mental health or one of my partners and how they progressed in hopes a shared experience may bring you some solace. (It also just clicked that I am most likely still super young in regards to probably a large amount of members/ posters. So I beg of you please not to pass judgement on that, it ain’t nothing but a number, babeh)
So, diagnosed at 15, turbulent time as i'm sure you very well know. 16, first relationship, I had no idea really what was going on. Neither did she, she was unaware of the illness and that I had it. She was far too young to take on such responsibility. Doomed really, that one. But at such a young age, those relationships seem to be no more than a lesson in what not to do in the next.
17- 18, infatuation mistaken for love in the case of both parties. Still learning to control (cope) with my own mental health issues, that and the general ins and outs of being being an adolescent. I was an insecure kid transitioning from school into the real world. I had no idea what was going on, nor how to be in a relationship. She knew, but she didn't understand. I didn’t ever feel that she had to though. That kid was gorgeous, but living in her fantasy land. I feel like I lured the poor girl into a lions den, wished her the best of luck and tossed the key. On and off and on and off to the point of eventually being laughable. Maybe a year in we found the courage to call it quits and ventured out into the unknown. It was sweet. I thought it was sad initially, but the possessive little child inside of me just wanted his toy back and thought kicking and screaming might just work. Thank god, it did not. Lesson learned, people are not possessions, they are gifts that bless you with their presence for as long as they do.
18- 21, My illness was now at it's real first established peak, substances abuse, homelessness (parents at this stage still did not understand the illness and saw my episodes as dangerous, the logical answer, kicking my ass out until I had straightened up) I was on that destructive path, but that naive arrogance of invincibility allowed me to convince myself it was merely just a lil' fun. Fairly obvious writing this now, that I was self medicating with one instantaneous release after the other. Met an amazing girl out one night, lust mistook as love at first sight. Boy I fell deep and hard. Within 2 weeks I was living with her. Within a week I was committed for the first time into a public system (dearest mother and father made the arrangements for my stay, concerned and out of their depth). Free at last, back in a shanty share house. We were both batshit crazy and loving it, she was stripping, I was working. We were either always fighting, fkg, or getting high enough to say, 'I love you’. Her illness became too much for even her to handle. Psych wards, reserved seats at the late night gp, more medication than a pharmacist. It was decided that we had both reached breaking point. 2 exhausting years lead to the conclusion that we were just confused kids that found solace in each others company for some time, but now it is time to part ways. This broke my heart for some time, my first real heartbreak. It was a beautiful sadness though. At one point I had to feel something pretty amazing to have to vanish and leave me so sad. That one was a wild ride, but an incredible learning experience. I can only thank her greatly for that and apologise for the chaos I caused.
22, 23- forever, I have met the most amazing woman, my soon to be wife who also suffers from her own mood disorders, but understands mine, as I understand hers, she’s understands the difference between the illness and myself, she is able to read deeper than just what’s on the surface. She has and shows nothing by unconditional love, it is something I had never experienced before and it allowed me to grow as a person. For us to grow as a couple. We gave each other the confidence and comfort to be who we were meant to be, no veils, no facades. A high better than any you’ll buy on the corner that for sure. And as long as we are both willing to reflect and learn from our behaviour (neg/ pos) which we are, and we seem to have the world on our shoulders. Struggling students in reality, but together we have drive. Don’t get me wrong, we have our ups and downs, amazingly passionate ones, but at the end of the day, this person accepts and loves me for me and all my shortcomings. She is proactive and wants nothing but the best for me, and I for her. Whether that be forcing me to exercise, eat healthy, attend groups and yoga/ vice versa. She is the light in my soul, the warmth in my heart. She is the girl with the pretty blue eyes and gorgeous smile that I am lucky enough to wake up to each morning.
It’s a scary, tough, overwhelming feeling, I know. But the fact you want to call him when you’d rather die than have to communicate with anyone else speaks wonders on it’s own. Your fears are more than rational, it’s a scary leap, but don’t let that uncomfortable, uncertain feeling ruin what could be an amazing thing for you and that certainly has been for myself. Always work together as a team sweetheart, this is now your journey to share hand in hand. Learn to recognise his triggers and behavioural trends/ patterns so that you are aware of his potential frame of mind without even having to ask and cater towards that. Just like he should be doing for you. It’s not a speedy process, but a brilliant skill to have. Most of all, understand that you are both human, you both suffer from what can be a hell of a nightmare at times, you will make mistakes, you will fight, cry, but who the f*** doesn’t. Honestly, sane or not. Above all of that, you will share some of the most fantastic moments together if you allow yourself to. Be proactive, create systems that work to resolve problematic situations, and optimise the better.
I wish you the world of luck, you have nothing but support from all of us hear. I would love to hear an update on how the situation progresses!